Read: April 12-22, 2015
Rogue Chronicles Entry No. 160
I liked the idea of this dark and twisted game between two fae, that kind of thing is always a good idea, and I think Heidi Acosta could reach the right level of madness and cruelty, the dreams and Cardelain hinted at it. I also liked what I got to see of Faeylon so far, and the lore and abilities.
However, the way this is now, I can’t give it a good rating. There is a lot of work to be done, starting from some serious proffreading and editing in the first and last 30% to cut some repetative crap with lots of mistakes in it too that’s overstuffing and totally jumbling the reading flow, and moving on to plot and characters.
I understand you need a bit of to and fro to make the characters feel conflicted, but this was too much and only led to me thinking that the characters simply weren’t well developed at all, and to disliking Eden. She’s curious, like she should be, but then one minute she’s scared shitless, and the next she’s all survivor mode, but not like her fear actually inspired that bravery, no. And let’s not forget that she acts like a spoiled bitchy brat throwing a tantrum when left alone long enough in her head. Not cool at all.
Plotwise it was good until Eden got dumped in Faeylon and Cardelain suddenly seems to have forgotten all about her. Errr, main plot, where are you? If you condense the first part in the real world into maybe 40% and get to Faeylon faster, put in some more traps / twisted game play between Cardelain and Jaxson, maybe some close-up fight where Cardelain (barely) gets away so he might come back and torment them again in a sequel, before moving on to the escape part in the end, this read could be epic. Especially with that ending, I already have a good idea what is to come in book two and like the prospect.
Overall, I advise to less words, thus more structure and less contradictions. There were some parts in between where I really liked the style, but there are still skills to be learned for you. Keep working on it!
Heat: x -- Thrills: ∨ -- Laughs: x -- Tears: x